See no evil, hear no evil…

There you are on the wide, flat beach – it’s empty. You have the whole place to yourself, or so you think. Just then a large raucous family arrives and plops down right next to you with their cooler and boom box, then another, and another. Are they insane? Quite possibly, from an Anglo-Saxon point of view. But from their point of view, maybe they just thought you looked a little bit lonely. The same thing could happen in a movie theatre, in a cemetery, in a car! Try this little trick if you don’t believe it: stare into any shop window in central Rome – no matter how mundane the merchandise. Chances are when you turn back around, there will be at least three people standing behind you, at close range. Why are they there? Because you’re there.

Although Italian culture might look like other Western cultures, don’t be fooled. There are some major differences and you’re lucky to encounter them just when you don’t want to. To say that Italians don’t have any real sense of personal space is an understatement. Italians actually like to be near each other, and even you, if you are among them. They also like to stand unnervingly close to you while giving directions or chatting about the weather. Two weeks after I arrived here, I was having lunch with an Italian woman who I had just met – she reached over and put her hand on my thigh to emphasize a point. I jumped three feet in the air. You might also see two strait men walking arm-in-arm in the street or giving each other backrubs at a party. This is as normal as walking to a bar for the first time and hearing: “Dimmi tutto bello!” (tell me everything, beautiful!) from the barman.

But just when your skin is about to crawl from being crowded in the 8 tram with a zillion people who want to stand in your corner (better make sure that your pocket isn’t being picked) ah, the silver lining: the squardo. As part of Italians desire to be close to their fellow man (or woman), eye contact is done here, even between strangers. Now this could (and will) mean a creepy guy or evil old woman staring at you all the way home – or – catching the glance of a very sexy guy in an Armani suit with an oh-so-playful look on his face. Once you get over the intensity of it, it can really be quite fun. It’s a safe and fun way to exchange sensual energy without upsetting your spouse or partner, who might be right at your side when it happens. By the way, flirting is permitted too – here, it’s a national pastime (second only to tax evasion).

In the midst of all this touching and flirting, there are some dangers of course. The most obvious is the men on the bus who think its perfectly normal to grope women – even nuns (I’ve seen it!). Ladies, in the Italian spirit of frankness, don’t spare this pervert’s feelings – tell him to vai via (or vaffanculo!) in your loudest voice. And don’t be surprised if you are ever approached in a piazza by a very honest and forthright young man who confides that he thinks you’re beautiful and really wants to sleep with you – he’s probably very relieved to find an ‘approachable’ foreign lady. “Sono sposata” (I’m married) will usually give him the picture. If not, you can always test out your new Italian heel on him.